Saturday 30 October 2010

Swimming with shopping trollies


I did it! I completed the Great Salford Swim in 53 minutes 44 seconds, breast stroke all the way and pretty much the same time that I've been managing for a mile in the pool. It was an amazing experience. The water was 14 degrees, and it felt refreshingly, rather than numbingly, cold all the way round. What really struck me about it was how clear it was (a bit scary when you can see bike wheels and shopping trollies lying in the silt at the bottom) and how sweet it tasted when I got the inevitable splash in the face. Because the course followed the walls of 2 docks and the narrow canal connecting them our back-up team of family and friends who were spectating were able to keep pace with us and offer encouragement along the route. This meant a lot to me because by 1200 metres I knew I was going to get round, but I felt bored, restricted and contained by the course. I realise now that this was sabotage. I was getting closer to my goal and it was as if I wanted to stop myself from succeeding. I turned for the last stretch to the finish. I could see it in the distance. A voice in my head was saying 'Turn round and swim back, you don't want to finish' and I was beginning to slow up, when I heard my oldest daughter shouting 'Come on Dad!' I looked up and there she was, waving me along. It was just what I needed. I dug in and thought of the people who had inspired me to be there - my wife who, along with our middle daughter and our son had completed the Great North Swim last year and who, in the way she embraces new challenges, inspires and empowers the whole family - my dad, who showed such patience with my fear of water throughout my childhood years - and Pete Kendrew, the former olympic swimmer who looked after the pool at my teacher training college and the man who finally convinced me that I could float.


Since the swim I've lost my way. We've only swum a couple of times in pools, and our wetsuits are hanging like bats on the backs of doors around the house, scaring guests going to the bathroom at night. In writing this post I'm dipping my toe in the water, making a pledge to myself to get back in the swim, to learn front crawl and to prepare myself for the open water challenges to come.

Friday 29 October 2010

Round the block


So here I am at the end of October and I haven't written anything for a month or so. I've started a few posts and then deleted them, unable to see them as having any worth. Writer's block is a pernicious condition, and today I'm writing my way through/past/around it. I'm determined to get to the end of this post and publish it. I've switched off (well, turned down a bit) my internal perfectionist editor and I'm writing. Why do I let it worry me so much? As I look now at the screen and see the words accumulating, the sentences unfolding, the piece taking shape, I begin to realise that I've been punishing and depriving myself. Writing is a way of reflecting on life, of celebrating and making sense of achievement and loss. In the last couple of months so much has happened and I'm going to post about it all in the next couple of days.
The blank page is here to be filled, not feared. Tally Ho!!
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